Dear upstairs neighbour,
Could you make it your New Years resolution to be less obnoxious? You somehow manage to be louder than the weird Christian guy who loved Drum n’ Bass and yelling, who lived upstairs from us in Edmonton. And to be honest, he annoyed me less, because he only had one leg, so I forgave him for always sounding like he was falling over, or rolling around on his computer chair (also I felt bad for assuming, before we actually met, that he fell over a lot as a result of being a drunk, rather than an apparently somewhat clumsy amputee). And at least when he listened to his music, it wasn’t the same song over and over again for hours at a time. I mean, I like ‘Rehab’ as much as the next person (which is, if I’m honest, not at all, sorry Amy), but don’t you think it’s a little weird to listen to it ALL DAY? Also, just so you know, when you empty your ashtray over your deck, it doesn’t just magically disappear, strangely enough - it lands on the deck below yours, which happens to be ours. And, one last thing, if when you have friends over you could communicate by talking, rather than screaming at each other, that would be awesome. Doesn’t it get tiring after a while, when you’re all in the same room anyway?
I do understand that it’s very passive agressive of me to write this in a place that you will never see it, but you’re kind of a dick, and I really don’t want to say it to you directly, because, lets face it, you’d probably get all offended and bitter about it, and be even more obnoxious to spite me, because you’re a stand-up kind of guy like that.
In return, if you stop being an annoying arsehole, I will stop thinking about calling the landlord, and making passive-agressive whiny posts about you on the internet, which will make me seem like less of a bitch, and we’ll both be happier for it.
